Everyone handles things differently.

Mama left me, beyond or so she thought.

And I was like the little turd that held on.

I’ve left the adoption club. I no longer play by the subliminal rules, left to my own mind, I formulate a plan to escape captivity in plain view.

I’d find my Mama and tell her all the dirty tales no one wants us to tell on Adoption.

For one.

It’s a triad.

And Adoption left us out of the equation.

Talk about feeling like a candle in the wind?

And we adoptees Blown this way and that as everyone now able to tell me what my Mama felt and thought, and me who I am? Oh hell no.

Ya left a few calculations unfinished. Let me help Adoption with that.

Our reactions count as raw data that proves abuse of a system the processes solutions and well being for all. They lie.

My own Mamas reactions and actions. Exhibit A.

Trauma at its finest. In my own Mamas reactions and action about my return. Confused as to what closure really looks like, my Mama, loaded. Turns around and not knowing to come towards me is our best course due to years of denying her own Motherly urge. She snapped.

But these things can be mended with truth and lovingly not giving up at its worst. It is darkest before the dawn. And I’ve got this to hold onto even when folks say I don’t divide the word rightly. It’s gotten me this far. God has not let me down.

New International Version
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future

Jer 29:11

Without our consent. Is adoption legal.

Is adoption as Good for the child as people say?

Or is Adoption good for the adults playing ping pong with our hearts and heritage?

Right under all of our noses are people like this. Paid entertainer trying to pass as a real Mother yo promote her career.

Children. Reduced to props and extras for someone dream life with no considerations for what the child needs. Denied access to our own to be raised by actors.

I know? We all want to believe it magical changes once the child changes hands. Moses would say different after he lead his people out of bondage.

Adoption is bondage. Children raised to believe separation is a sane solution and grow up to perpetuate it. Sick. I’m not sick anymore.

Momma dearests didn’t win. Tie me to a wild cat and I’ll take that thing quick.

Being Adopted

Makes a person so cryptic.

Cut off at the pass of birth

Rerouted

Rejected

Removed

Our language is different. We speak differently when we talk about Mom.

Years and years and years of denial takes it toll. While the kept ones can talk all they want about mom.

We have two. But are bound to only speak of one and you want to call that love?

To never know you name is like her name until your grown. To have to edit her out when she’s in everything you are.

That’s not love. It’s cruel.

Just a little messenger

Popped out when I was 30.

The last one. But not least at all.

A present. A perfect person.

To show you. You. At the age you had me.

It wasn’t traumatic? Chelsie begs to differ.

That, was God too.

And a perfect mirror to look into. To maybe adjust.

And you want to call it a curse?

Go fish Linda. Try again.

And maybe? Remember the Bible says I am a blessing. Thanks.

You can run. You can’t hide from God or Mamas. 🥰

You kept kids can run from God and Mama.

But not me!

I ran to them both God beggin to be taken back grab the scene of the crime so I can drag her lifeless body to me, forward without all the crap. Just like a Marine. No ones getting left behind.

This cruise ships going better places then that old past trips tripping on each other the whole way. No more tripping without each other arm and arm.

I wanna take her to England and Ireland. I wanna go to Hawaii and lay out in the sun and bask in the glory of a job well done with both Mamas there just feeling so blessed they have this girl who does not give up.

You really don’t want me to play that quiet game now do you? You don’t really want to feel that hole again do ya? Well? I broke the quiet game of silence with a rebel yell from my toes to my lips.

I’ve been running for years.

Here. Listen.

Oprah

The love I give the universe stems from my love for my Mama.

If I stumble

If I fall

I get back up

And try again

And again

And again

And again

And again

And again.

And again

And again

That’s love

I know. I know. I know.

You always did the best you knew how and the time.

Do you know better now? More now?

And do you wanna give this next chapter all week got?

We are both free now.

I told you

Did my part

You heard me, read me.

Now what? Wide open spaces are now available and for rent in each of our hearts. Would you like to move in all the way now?

There’s lots of room.

Yes. Yes. Yes. I held on to that raggedy story for my dear Linda’s daughter life honey. I stayed connected. It was all ya gave me mixed into one.

Does that story define us now?

It’s does not define me.

It does not define you. My Mama still.

Living like this was like being a perfectly sane person sent yo crazy town. I know who’s I am. The name? It’s my name too boo boo. Said over me all day. 🥰❤️🙌

Don’t try to tell me god ain’t in here with us. Our life story has God all over it. My life is confirmation that god heard every prayer Mama.

You did the best you knew how. We learned better later. Both of us and I came to make sure my Virgo Mama knew I got the lessons and the messages and still do.

And I kind of wanted you to know me. All of me. Cuz there so much more positive in me pushing all the negative out. You should be feeling the affects right now as the cloud seems to life.

The stage that was dark is now lite and a little girl standing next to a big girl who looks like the little girls Mama are standing on the stage here at the cafe. All is still. No ones watching us Mama. Broad day light. No one cares.

Do we care? I believe we do. I do for both of us with this big heart you gave me while helping two young people feeling lost and working on rehabbing their lives? And doing the cooking and cleaning. While making sure my Mama Jeans needs are met and she feels safe and healthy? While working on myself and cleaning it up. Laying it all to rest with all attention given to each and every ugly leader org I held onto because it was connected to you dear woman I came from. Tragic romance my ass.

That heart inside your chest? I claim. It’s my Mama’s heart. I embrace you just don’t know how many pep talks I sent to ya in prayer telling God?

Well now you know! Said like Chelsie Lynn would say it all exasperated and all with her arms going. She learned it from me.

We do need to hang up this conversation for sure. Everyone’s listening in on the parry line. And I personally am tired of the blah blah blahs. And as soon as the family also quits their blah blah blah. Coming in loud and clear! Chelsie, Mama, Victoria? Shame on you! Language. Lizzy Boo and Phylissia? I believe are some what ready. not much coming from their peanut galleries. David’s just errataded. And I am the dragon lady with the whip. 🥰

I call myself Charma. Now that I’ve been everyone else’s version of me? 🤣🤣🤣🙌 let me introduce myself. Karma with Charm. You pick which side of me ya want? I’m Gods fool. Who fooled them all. And helped God made some believers.

She always was. I told her about what the churches were saying and it made her drink. I told her what folks said I did not lie to her either. And I made it right before god and the town I was raised in while her friends are ushered off to homes. The drunk woman. Lives with her fabulous daughter. Who dotes on her even when she’s acting like an old hag. I know she’s soft inside and that’s her armor. Me too sister. Me too.

Linda’s daughter renamed Belinda Jean stood in the gap for my Mama Jean. Do you think she might want to talk to my manufacturer? And maybe have someone who would love to hear her stories about me? Yes. Yes. Yes. She’s got a few. 🥰 She could tell my other Mama she ain’t met. 😩🙌🙌🙌🙌